I've pondered this question a lot over the years.
All the principles of relationships and marriage are rolled into play. I am aware of them.
Who defines better or worse? No one will complain about better will they?
Therefore, deal only with worse and define those conditions that a husband or wife has to endure, no matter what.
Domestic violence is not a condition that a spouse or partner has to endure. That's easily acceptable to justify fleeing the relationship, the marriage. Yet it is not so long ago that beating up your wife came under the WORSE definition because it would not be spoken of or acknowledged. A wife stayed in her prison called home. Of course there are still and always will be, cowardly, gutless wonders out there that hit their wives and think they have a right to do so.
My wife is not the person I married. She battled prescription drug addiction, post natal and full blown depression, and is on pain killers for a genuine, painful back issue. She is almost double her weight and most of her time is spent on a lounge chair, in the world of surfing the net and Facebook.
As for us as a couple.... We sleep in separate beds, I can't remember the last time we had sex, probably over 10yrs. We get on okay but that's about it. If she went on a holiday for 2 months, I know I wouldn't miss her.
You see, I've been missing her for the last 10-15yrs. I think this is the real her and maybe when we married it was all show. She has let herself go big time and won't try to change it. I've talked about it to her. Our kids feel left out by her. She won't talk about her weight, won't try to lose it for fear of failing. Definitely wouldn't lose weight for me.
Whether my wife loves me or not, I wouldn't know. It's been that way for years and that in itself speaks volumes. Normally a person knows and doesn't wonder. My kids have always been the reason I've stuck around anyway. They have helped me avoid a decision about what I can or can't do about my marriage. If my wife ever asked me about our marriage (unlikely with head in the sand) I know that things would not continue as they were. Words would be uttered which couldn't be taken back.
So, I wonder about having an affair, a bit of fun, a bit of womanly company. Realistically, I don't think it will happen.
I'm pretty sure the odds are against me but I am a bit of a dreamer, so who knows? I'm now in my early sixties (how did that happen?) my head seems stuck in the time when I was in my thirties and I remind myself, despite looking after myself body wise, that the face in the mirror is really mine.
It's interesting to think about it though.... Is there a woman out there that I might run into? Would any woman actually be attracted to me? How would I manage to have an affair anyway, being the good old reliable home slave without a life? Anything out of the ordinary would stand out a mile. What if I was sprung? Would my kids hate me? What if I met someone who meant something to me. I don't see many women around my age that attract me, they are usually much younger. Therefore, the odds against meeting someone, a younger someone, increase as I go along.
Well there it is. I could go on but I won't. I know that others are or have been in the same place. I feel a little guilty but I've recently acknowledged that I'm worn out. The last 20 years have been pretty hard, especially emotionally. I feel we have gone in the tunnel and emerged sort of in one piece, but re-arranged differently. I'm tired of trying to fix things. I want to be good to myself for a change. I'd like to be looked after for a little while. I'm still male.
I've wondered not so long ago, what a reader might think of me. How do I come across? Do I seem like an okay person, not too crazy? How would I see someone who writes of things as I do? If I sort pass as on okay human then maybe.....
someone will understand why I think of another woman.
All the principles of relationships and marriage are rolled into play. I am aware of them.
Who defines better or worse? No one will complain about better will they?
Therefore, deal only with worse and define those conditions that a husband or wife has to endure, no matter what.
Domestic violence is not a condition that a spouse or partner has to endure. That's easily acceptable to justify fleeing the relationship, the marriage. Yet it is not so long ago that beating up your wife came under the WORSE definition because it would not be spoken of or acknowledged. A wife stayed in her prison called home. Of course there are still and always will be, cowardly, gutless wonders out there that hit their wives and think they have a right to do so.
My wife is not the person I married. She battled prescription drug addiction, post natal and full blown depression, and is on pain killers for a genuine, painful back issue. She is almost double her weight and most of her time is spent on a lounge chair, in the world of surfing the net and Facebook.
As for us as a couple.... We sleep in separate beds, I can't remember the last time we had sex, probably over 10yrs. We get on okay but that's about it. If she went on a holiday for 2 months, I know I wouldn't miss her.
You see, I've been missing her for the last 10-15yrs. I think this is the real her and maybe when we married it was all show. She has let herself go big time and won't try to change it. I've talked about it to her. Our kids feel left out by her. She won't talk about her weight, won't try to lose it for fear of failing. Definitely wouldn't lose weight for me.
Whether my wife loves me or not, I wouldn't know. It's been that way for years and that in itself speaks volumes. Normally a person knows and doesn't wonder. My kids have always been the reason I've stuck around anyway. They have helped me avoid a decision about what I can or can't do about my marriage. If my wife ever asked me about our marriage (unlikely with head in the sand) I know that things would not continue as they were. Words would be uttered which couldn't be taken back.
So, I wonder about having an affair, a bit of fun, a bit of womanly company. Realistically, I don't think it will happen.
I'm pretty sure the odds are against me but I am a bit of a dreamer, so who knows? I'm now in my early sixties (how did that happen?) my head seems stuck in the time when I was in my thirties and I remind myself, despite looking after myself body wise, that the face in the mirror is really mine.
It's interesting to think about it though.... Is there a woman out there that I might run into? Would any woman actually be attracted to me? How would I manage to have an affair anyway, being the good old reliable home slave without a life? Anything out of the ordinary would stand out a mile. What if I was sprung? Would my kids hate me? What if I met someone who meant something to me. I don't see many women around my age that attract me, they are usually much younger. Therefore, the odds against meeting someone, a younger someone, increase as I go along.
Well there it is. I could go on but I won't. I know that others are or have been in the same place. I feel a little guilty but I've recently acknowledged that I'm worn out. The last 20 years have been pretty hard, especially emotionally. I feel we have gone in the tunnel and emerged sort of in one piece, but re-arranged differently. I'm tired of trying to fix things. I want to be good to myself for a change. I'd like to be looked after for a little while. I'm still male.
I've wondered not so long ago, what a reader might think of me. How do I come across? Do I seem like an okay person, not too crazy? How would I see someone who writes of things as I do? If I sort pass as on okay human then maybe.....
someone will understand why I think of another woman.